


A Little Pain Never Hurt Anybody

by piningmck



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Graphic Description, Pain, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:55:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24450946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piningmck/pseuds/piningmck
Summary: All the way from a cozy Desert Overworld, Kevin, local radio host, journalist, and avatar of the Slaughter pays the Panopticon a visit to help out The Archivist with some revenge.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 50





	A Little Pain Never Hurt Anybody

**Author's Note:**

> This is a VERY self-indulgent crossover where Kevin comes over and tortures Jonalias brutally. Is this out of character? Probably! Is the Slaughter the Smiling God? Who knows! Hope you enjoy! Leave a comment if you'd like, and check out my other works if you end up enjoying this one!

Kevin took a deep whiff of the Eyepocalypse air, and smiled in the sickly manner he only knew how to smile in. "Smell that?" 

  
"Y-Yeah, I think I do," Jon said, excited but unnerved at the current situation. At Kevin stared at him with those... Eyes... Jon smelled the air himself to humour the man. "It sure... Smells like meat! Raw, rotting, and cooked at the same time. How about that." Martin stood beside Jon, holding onto his arm, pretending to smile. Jon could hear his partner struggle to hold in a scream. 

"It reminds me of my old radio studio," Kevin sighed happily. He was standing at one of the windows in the Panopticon. "It was so lovely. I've tried to recreate the same vibe in Desert Bluffs Too, but there's just so much news to report about these days, I just couldn't find the time to get it right. It's all about where you put the intestines and teeth!" 

"S-so I'm guessing you're... N-not a v-vegetarian? Haha..." Martin laughed pathetically. Kevin laughed seriously, unsuspecting of the discomfort he was causing. That wide, disgusting smile forced Martin to hold a hand over his mouth, just to squash the sensation of rising bile. 

"I think we ought to get back to the matter at hand!" Jon interrupted. "Best not to waste our time, right? Daylight won't last forever... Ha.. Ha?" 

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Kevin replied, almost disappointed. But just as quickly, he jumped back into high spirits, clapping his blood-soaked hands together. Red hand prints stained the part of the tower he touched as he walked towards the Archivist. As he got closer, Martin became more panicked. 

  
"Y-You know what? I think I'm going to head down, and see how the others are doing!" The cracks in his voice were evident of his fear.

"Oh come on, Martin," Kevin pleaded, leaning in uncomfortably close. "Don't you want to see how this turns out? You can even get yourself a piece of... What'd you say? Kill Bill? I loved that movie by the way." 

"I-I think I'm all Billed out, actually," Martin pulled at his shirt collar, desperate to breathe. "Been a long journey! _Right, Jon_?" Martin's eyes pleaded with Jon to let him get the hell out of dodge. Jon couldn't agree more. Even he was uncomfortable in this situation.

"Yeah, I can vouch for that. Besides! We've already made so much progress with Jonah together, I think Martin going down to tell the others how _well_ it's going is a perfect plan. I'm sure they'd love to hear it!" 

"Right, right!" Martin nodded in panicked enthusiasm. Before Kevin could put in his two cents, Martin was already walking towards the stairs, waving goodbye. "Well, l-let me know when it's all done! I w-wouldn't want to miss saying goodbye!" And the doors almost slammed behind him. 

"Hmm." Kevin mused. "Is he alright? he looked a little green to me."

"Oh he's....... A vegetarian... The meat smell was getting to him, I think..." Jon wasn't the greatest at lying these days, but it managed to slip Kevin's suspicion. 

"Well, sucks for him, I guess!" Kevin cheered, patting the Archivist's arms, leaving blood stains. "Now, shall we?" Kevin turned around to the man of the hour. "You've been so quiet, Jonah! Didn't have anything to talk about during the break? How're you feeling? Jon? How's he feeling?"

"Uh.. I-I'm cycling through the fear of his victims, I'm currently in the early 20th century. So... Afraid."

"Good, good." Kevin walked over to the throne facing the window Kevin was just standing at moments ago. he leaned over, wiping the involuntary tears off of Jonah Magnus' cheek, who only gave an open-mouthed, throaty whimper. He could not close his mouth, of course. Using a simple hook and thick spring, it was forced open, the sharp hook cutting through his skin, gums, and bone. The spring was stretched out, down to his arms, where the other end stabbed through his skin and hooked around the bones in his forearm. Of course, Jonah's wrists were bound down to the arm rest, and his head was held back against the chair through more straps, leaving the tough springs to strain against the pressure of being stretched so far apart. Once, Jonah Magnus ruled over the apocalypse. Now, he could only choke on his own blood. He was bleeding from more than just his arms and jaw, of course. Every ten minutes, Kevin took a nail gun to one of Jonah's fingers, pinning them into the chair. He'd already gotten through seven of them, and as he hit the eighth, Jonah cried out. Due to the never-ending fear the Archivist was subjecting him too, he could not focus enough to use his own abilities. The Heart of the Archives was left a pathetic mess. 

"Having fun, Jonah? I'm not really the kind of guy to go on rants, you know. But, now that we're all here, there's something I wanted to say. First of all." Kevin gave a round of applause. "Love what you've done with the place. I've haven't seen this many followers of the Smiling God since my time with Strexcorp! I've gone out to visit my domain a couple times, and boy, it's so much more than I thought I could have wanted. I didn't even know how much I'd realized I'd enjoy it! I've been pretty chilled out lately, due to the boyfriend and his son. But ever since the change, I've found myself really energized! And I love that little domain of mine outside the Desert Overworld! Everyone just keeps on smiling, even when their teeth get knocked out! I've been thinking about starting a collection of wisdom teeth. What do you think, Jon?" 

"Uhh... I can't say it's a hobby I'd take up myself? I-I'm more of a book collector, if anything." 

"Hey, that's pretty cool! Knowledge for a knowledge man, and organs for an organs man. That's what I like to say." 

"I-Is it! That's... Fascinating!" 

"Aww, thanks!" He turned his attention back to Jonah. "So, Jonah. You must be wondering: Why am I doing all of this even though I love this new world? Well you see, it's pretty quite simple. I liked the old world better! It was easier to report news in, there were sports! There was weather! Nowadays, my boyfriend Charles is just dejected. Refusing to stray too far out of Desert Bluffs Too. I told him he and Donovan had nothing to worry about, but he's been so cooped up in his work- He's a theologist, by the way. Very fitting to the new situation. -But he's been so cooped up, trying to study our new overlords and also trying not to be controlled by them and also looking after Donovan that I just don't think this world is for everyone! Not like you intended I'm sure. Plus..." Kevin stood up, patting Jonah on the head. "We were supposed to head out of town for a trip to Disneyland. But _you_ got that place shut down. Do you know how excited Donovan was to go to Disneyland? He's almost six! That's when kids start remembering their experiences! Now we have to settle for in-town carnivals. Let me tell you! It doesn't beat the magic of Disney!"

As Kevin finished his rant, Jonah's jaw dislocated, and the man screamed. His skin seemed so much stretchier now that it was the only thing keeping the bottom half of his skull in place. Kevin looked disappointed. "Aw, _boo_. I was really hoping you had a stronger face than that, Jonah! I guess there's no point in the hooks anymore." Jon grimaced from afar. "Jon, you _sure_ he doesn't have your healing powers?" 

"No, I-I'm not sure. He's just as much of an avatar of the Eye as I am, so it's difficult to see anything about him that he or the Eye wouldn't want me to." Kevin pouted. "But... You've only dislocated his jaw. You can pop it back in, i-if you'd like." Jonah cried out something that must have meant 'Please'. "I think he might even be open to a discussion now, if you take the hooks out too." Jonah struggled to nod in his restraints, but did so with that pleading look in his eyes.

"Aw, but I was having so much fun! I was thinking of gouging out _one_ of his eyes, or going for his ankles next. Make sure he can't run. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"I don't think he could get very far if he chose to. The others are still downstairs, and his only other option is out the window and down several dozen stories. Let him have a break. I want to see what he has to say." Kevin shrugged, pulling out the hooks from Jonah's dislocated jaw, letting them snap back towards his arms, and then popped the man's jaw back into place. "I'd refrain from resisting my power now, Jonah. The Eye has already let this much happen to you. You don't want to test to see how much _less_ it'll protect you." Jon walked over, releasing the strap holding Jonah's head back. He slouched forward, breathing in momentary relief, before the feelings of his victims increased tenfold to keep him in control.

"Y-Y-You...." Whatever Jonah was going to insult with, he couldn't muster the strength. "Working with the Slaughter??? Y-You sh-ould be enemies!" He choked. His speech was slurred and broken. "Lo-ok h-how much.. _Joy_ , they get... T-Torturing people... I-In the wo-rst ways... Possible!" 

"Yeah, well. I've done a lot of soul searching, since the change, Jonah. Dug real deep within myself to figure out that even I find joy in people's fear. It's really Martin who wants the world to go back to normal, but that's just because he's not as connected with any of the entities as I am. He still has the ability to care about other people's suffering. I can only feel ashamed to be enjoying it. But, I got talking with Helen, who helped out with the door to this..." Jon turned to Kevin, who was wiping some of the blood off his hands. Mostly through licking it. "What'd you call it? Desert Overworld?"

"That's right! And then we had a nice conversation over how much we wanted to get some revenge on you!" 

"And then we did that, yes."

"S-So... Wh-at do you w-w- _want_ from me...?" Jonah choked up more blood. 

"Well, I can give you some options. One, you help us bring an end to this apocalypse, by any means necessary, without complaint, and this torture can cease. Two, I let Kevin here bleed you dry until you're begging to do number one or three, three being where I just kill you. I think Melanie will want to come up and listen to that one."

"Oooh, I vote number two!" Kevin raised his hand playfully holding the nail gun. Jonah whimpered as he waved it around, curling in his two remaining fingers. 

" _You can't kill me_ ," Jonah panted. There was still blood dripping from the holes in his jaw. 

"Want me to try? I'm the _Archivist_. You can Watch all you like but I am the one that holds the knowledge. I am the Knowing, and there are far more people afraid of being Known than there are those afraid of being Watched. So what do you say? Want to see if the Archives still needs a heart?" Jonah was silent. 

"Need some help deciding? I can help!" Kevin jumped forward. "I think your nails are getting loose! Better reinforce them!" Jonah couldn't even have the chance to protest before Kevin went over each finger again, ripping through his flesh and bone with another nail. 

"NO! GOD! PLEASE! _STOP IT!!!_ " Jonah screamed. It was so much louder now that he had full access to his vocal chords. So much more agonizing. 

"Number four... Number five... Number six..."

" _ **FUCK!! FINE!! I'LL HELP YOU!! MAKE HIM STOP!!!**_ "

"Kevin," Jon interrupted. Kevin stood up, pulling the nail gun away. He simply shrugged. "Thank you, Jonah. I appreciate your cooperation." 

" _You're crazy_." 

"Yes. A monster of your own making. You should be proud. Kevin? Thank you for your help," 

"It was myyyy pleasure! Remember our deal though! Special Archivist spotliiiiight~!"

"Of course" Jon chuckled. "You're welcome any time, but you _will_ have to come to _me_ with the radio equipment. Helen says I'm too powerful to go through her doors, i-it's a whole thing."

"Got'chya! Understood! Helen? You there?" A door appeared in the wall. It's confusing, shifting aura clashing with the hallways shone through the cracks. Helen, equally as shifting and confusing in her appearance, peeked through as it opened.

"Aw, done already?"

"Yes ma'am! And we just such a great job! You should have seen the part where his jaw popped out!"

"Ooooh! Sounds fun!" Helen clapped. "Well Kevin, it was fun meeting you! Your door's the third one on the left, and it'll put you in the boiler room of your studio!"

"Perfect! Toodle-oo, everyone! Pleasure doing business!" And without a bit of protest, Kevin was gone. 

"Wow, he was a bit extreme, don't you think?" Helen gossiped. Jon breathed a heavy sigh. 

"I wish I left with Martin. His presence is just... Eugh," Jon shivered. "Even _I_ was afraid."

"How do you think _I_ felt!?" Jonah spit

"Shut up, Jonah," Jon and Helen said in unison, and then laughed at the fact. Helen left not long after that, and the others came up to the room to see the outcome of the torture. They weren't pleased that Jonah was still alive, but were complacent in knowing they at least had someone they could force into being an asset. Martin was especially relieved that he didn't have to come back in to say goodbye to Kevin. 


End file.
